Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Just couldn't resist this...
As a wise man was once heard to say : "If there's two things I can't stand in life it's religion intolerance and Catholics" but you might be surprised to know that I don't actually share this view. No really, I don't. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as they don't try to ram it down other peoples' throats.
So I do try very hard to avoid mentioning religion when I'm sharing a dinner table.
Unfortunately I just knew there was trouble brewing when the guy sat opposite me was sporting an "I'm a Christian Evangelist" logo on his polo shirt. My wife noticed this as well and gave me a sideways look and a kick under the table. I got the message.
In fact, we managed to avoid the subject of religion for almost a whole ten minutes before he asked me which church I attended. "Not one of yours" I replied amiably, hopefully dodging the subject.
"Why ever not?" he responded. "The Church of England is always looking for young blood."
This worried me a little as I've turned sixty. It led me to reflect on just how old this guy's flock was if he considered me young. I tried to fend it off with a short "Just not my thing." It didn't work. "You really should give a try. You would gain a lot from it," he went on. In fact the cut and thrust went on for a full twenty minutes more as he desperately tried to prise from me what denomination I belonged to.
"Catholic?" No. "Jewish?" No. "Mormom?" No. Then my wife looked at me, marvelling at my self restraint. "Oh go on" she said. "Put him out of his misery."
Never one to miss an opportunity, I rose to the occasion. "Well," I said, "if you must know, I'm a warlock and my wife is a white witch. I must admit though we were really mainly attracted to it by the naked dancing."
His face turned a rather puce colour. "May God forgive you!" he exploded. I thought he might have a heart attack - which would have been a fine result.
"Well," I said, "I'm appalled by your reaction. I showed proper respect for your religion and I'm bitterly disappointed that you can't show me the same consideration. I thought the C of E was opened minded and inclusive. Clearly I was wrong.
"Perhaps you should try attending one of our services. I think you'll find it a lot more fun than Sunday communion."
He never spoke to either of us again...
Made my Sunday morning!!
H/T Dioclese
As a wise man was once heard to say : "If there's two things I can't stand in life it's religion intolerance and Catholics" but you might be surprised to know that I don't actually share this view. No really, I don't. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as they don't try to ram it down other peoples' throats.
So I do try very hard to avoid mentioning religion when I'm sharing a dinner table.
Unfortunately I just knew there was trouble brewing when the guy sat opposite me was sporting an "I'm a Christian Evangelist" logo on his polo shirt. My wife noticed this as well and gave me a sideways look and a kick under the table. I got the message.
In fact, we managed to avoid the subject of religion for almost a whole ten minutes before he asked me which church I attended. "Not one of yours" I replied amiably, hopefully dodging the subject.
"Why ever not?" he responded. "The Church of England is always looking for young blood."
This worried me a little as I've turned sixty. It led me to reflect on just how old this guy's flock was if he considered me young. I tried to fend it off with a short "Just not my thing." It didn't work. "You really should give a try. You would gain a lot from it," he went on. In fact the cut and thrust went on for a full twenty minutes more as he desperately tried to prise from me what denomination I belonged to.
"Catholic?" No. "Jewish?" No. "Mormom?" No. Then my wife looked at me, marvelling at my self restraint. "Oh go on" she said. "Put him out of his misery."
Never one to miss an opportunity, I rose to the occasion. "Well," I said, "if you must know, I'm a warlock and my wife is a white witch. I must admit though we were really mainly attracted to it by the naked dancing."
His face turned a rather puce colour. "May God forgive you!" he exploded. I thought he might have a heart attack - which would have been a fine result.
"Well," I said, "I'm appalled by your reaction. I showed proper respect for your religion and I'm bitterly disappointed that you can't show me the same consideration. I thought the C of E was opened minded and inclusive. Clearly I was wrong.
"Perhaps you should try attending one of our services. I think you'll find it a lot more fun than Sunday communion."
He never spoke to either of us again...
Made my Sunday morning!!
H/T Dioclese
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Morning all...ha ha!!
Have been very remiss in neglecting this so-called-blog, but I will do my best to address the situation...perhaps later..he he!
Anyway, just for now, here's another Quote of the Week number.
Have been very remiss in neglecting this so-called-blog, but I will do my best to address the situation...perhaps later..he he!
Anyway, just for now, here's another Quote of the Week number.
"You heard about the Englishman with an inferiority complex - he thought he was the same as everyone else"I will be back with more news later, hopefully.
Sunday, July 07, 2013
Life...
Gawd!!
First the Welsh beat the Ozzies and then a Scotsman wins Wimbledon...is nothing sacred??!!
First the Welsh beat the Ozzies and then a Scotsman wins Wimbledon...is nothing sacred??!!
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Joke of the Day...
Lecturer addresses the class at the beginning of the lesson.
"Today, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to study Shakespeare, the man and then his poetry...
In other words, we will be going from Bard to Verse..."
I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again. Mid 60s
Priceless!!
"Today, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to study Shakespeare, the man and then his poetry...
In other words, we will be going from Bard to Verse..."
I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again. Mid 60s
Priceless!!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Break-time... which means, today at least, salad and cider...oohhh argghh...
I've been splashing brilliant white satinwood everywhere this morning; door frames, picture rails, skirting boards etc etc.
During all this activity, I was listening to one of the radios that always give me some kind of company.
The programme I was half listening to concerned the life and times of Wagner (Radio 4, of course).
Throughout the entire time I was in earshot, there were constant and repetitious references to; sex, eroticism, sex on stage, naziism, jews, love and sex between women, more eroticism, sex, sleeping with the patron to get the job, homosexuality... and then much discussion about Wagner's Ring...
All too much for me, I had to change channels.
I was immediately transported into the world of Paul Temple, (posh sleuth and posh, nosy wife), a programme with stiff upper lips and accents to match.
Most befitting for Chiddingfold I thought, I could have been in the Crown...
The sun is streaming through the windows...maybe a half hour on the patio...
I've been splashing brilliant white satinwood everywhere this morning; door frames, picture rails, skirting boards etc etc.
During all this activity, I was listening to one of the radios that always give me some kind of company.
The programme I was half listening to concerned the life and times of Wagner (Radio 4, of course).
Throughout the entire time I was in earshot, there were constant and repetitious references to; sex, eroticism, sex on stage, naziism, jews, love and sex between women, more eroticism, sex, sleeping with the patron to get the job, homosexuality... and then much discussion about Wagner's Ring...
All too much for me, I had to change channels.
I was immediately transported into the world of Paul Temple, (posh sleuth and posh, nosy wife), a programme with stiff upper lips and accents to match.
Most befitting for Chiddingfold I thought, I could have been in the Crown...
The sun is streaming through the windows...maybe a half hour on the patio...
I'm still trying to sort the technicalities of this Blogpost thingy and one of the mysteries that I've noticed is the timing of the posts...the times published on the blog bear no connection with the time of day/night that I'm actually posting the reports.
Perhaps someone can enlighten me...
Anyway, the time of day that I'm typing this is 05.15...GMT (Tuesday), I'll have you know.
The dawn chorus has been battering away at both windows for what seems hours so I've given up, got up and made the first cuppa and toast etc.
It's strange being woken up by the dawn chorus, it's something one rarely hears in East Molesey due to the fact that it's normally drowned out by some oik/clown on a scooter of sorts trying to break the sound barrier in Walton Road... a potato up his exhaust pipe might do the trick...noisy bastard.
It's been full on here in HillTop as I try and make my way down towards ground level, (I keep trying not to call it Ground Zero, but that's what it feels like sometimes...).
8 rooms completed and I (think) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...or is that just another candle?
I did manage to get a day or two off last week and managed to re-acqaint myself with East Molesey and my mother...I also managed to re-acqaint myself with a not inconsiderable number of wine bottles. These were full when we were first introduced, but I (and my mother) managed to leave all of them rather empty...
This co-incided with the hottest day of the week, so it was a very pleasant day out on the decking, with a lot squawking and giggling going on...I did have a conversation with the new neighbour at one point, but I have no idea what was discussed...can't even remember her name and it's no good asking Ma...
Anyway, beats talking to walls and watching paint dry, though the usual collateral damage was in evidence the following day...lethargy, confusion and loss of memory...normal day for some, I know.
Whilst I've been typing this I have also been (half) listening to a radio programme about a chap who has woken up in a parallel universe, as opposed the the universe he thought he occupied...I know just how he feels.
My 6am alarm has just made itself heard, so I suppose it's time to start the day's endeavours and try and make more progress towards that end of the tunnel...
Perhaps someone can enlighten me...
Anyway, the time of day that I'm typing this is 05.15...GMT (Tuesday), I'll have you know.
The dawn chorus has been battering away at both windows for what seems hours so I've given up, got up and made the first cuppa and toast etc.
It's strange being woken up by the dawn chorus, it's something one rarely hears in East Molesey due to the fact that it's normally drowned out by some oik/clown on a scooter of sorts trying to break the sound barrier in Walton Road... a potato up his exhaust pipe might do the trick...noisy bastard.
It's been full on here in HillTop as I try and make my way down towards ground level, (I keep trying not to call it Ground Zero, but that's what it feels like sometimes...).
8 rooms completed and I (think) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...or is that just another candle?
I did manage to get a day or two off last week and managed to re-acqaint myself with East Molesey and my mother...I also managed to re-acqaint myself with a not inconsiderable number of wine bottles. These were full when we were first introduced, but I (and my mother) managed to leave all of them rather empty...
This co-incided with the hottest day of the week, so it was a very pleasant day out on the decking, with a lot squawking and giggling going on...I did have a conversation with the new neighbour at one point, but I have no idea what was discussed...can't even remember her name and it's no good asking Ma...
Anyway, beats talking to walls and watching paint dry, though the usual collateral damage was in evidence the following day...lethargy, confusion and loss of memory...normal day for some, I know.
Whilst I've been typing this I have also been (half) listening to a radio programme about a chap who has woken up in a parallel universe, as opposed the the universe he thought he occupied...I know just how he feels.
My 6am alarm has just made itself heard, so I suppose it's time to start the day's endeavours and try and make more progress towards that end of the tunnel...
Monday, April 22, 2013
Sunday lunch
It all happens down here in The Crown... sitting snuggly in the back bar watching the TV (F1 of course) and suddenly there's an almighty "din" from the front bar..a band of wandering minstrels have invaded the main bar and set up a gig... "Always Look on the Bright Side" and "Land of Hope and Glory" have featured so far.. fancy dress, bells, whistles and tambourines are in evidence...apparently, all in aid of St John's Ambulance.. and believe me, some of them are going to need an ambulance if they continue in their present manner...f**king row...
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