Just couldn't resist this...

As a wise man was once heard to say : "If there's two things I can't stand in life it's religion intolerance and Catholics" but you might be surprised to know that I don't actually share this view. No really, I don't. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want as long as they don't try to ram it down other peoples' throats.

So I do try very hard to avoid mentioning religion when I'm sharing a dinner table.

Unfortunately I just knew there was trouble brewing when the guy sat opposite me was sporting an "I'm a Christian Evangelist" logo on his polo shirt. My wife noticed this as well and gave me a sideways look and a kick under the table. I got the message.

In fact, we managed to avoid the subject of religion for almost a whole ten minutes before he asked me which church I attended. "Not one of yours" I replied amiably, hopefully dodging the subject.

"Why ever not?" he responded. "The Church of England is always looking for young blood."

This worried me a little as I've turned sixty. It led me to reflect on just how old this guy's flock was if he considered me young. I tried to fend it off with a short "Just not my thing." It didn't work. "You really should give a try. You would gain a lot from it," he went on. In fact the cut and thrust went on for a full twenty minutes more as he desperately tried to prise from me what denomination I belonged to.

"Catholic?" No. "Jewish?" No. "Mormom?" No. Then my wife looked at me, marvelling at my self restraint. "Oh go on" she said. "Put him out of his misery."

Never one to miss an opportunity, I rose to the occasion. "Well," I said, "if you must know, I'm a warlock and my wife is a white witch. I must admit though we were really mainly attracted to it by the naked dancing."

His face turned a rather puce colour. "May God forgive you!" he exploded. I thought he might have a heart attack - which would have been a fine result.

"Well," I said, "I'm appalled by your reaction. I showed proper respect for your religion and I'm bitterly disappointed that you can't show me the same consideration. I thought the C of E was opened minded and inclusive. Clearly I was wrong.

"Perhaps you should try attending one of our services. I think you'll find it a lot more fun than Sunday communion."

He never spoke to either of us again...

Made my Sunday morning!!

H/T Dioclese